I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This

I requested an advanced copy of this book a couple of months ago because the anniversary of my friend Kym's death was approaching. She was the first (and only) friend I've lost, and her death hit me hard, with my grief greatly impacting my life for the first two years after her death.

Now six years later, this book comes along and it is one I wish I had read early on as I navigated my grief. The waves of sadness still hit me, but often they're more subdued. Despite my progress, I thought I could gain insight from Clare Mackintosh, a suspense author whose work I have enjoyed, who in this book shares her thoughts, feelings, and experiences after the excruciating loss of one of her children. 

This book was inspired by a Twitter post made by Mackintosh on the anniversary of her son's death that went viral. From that post and the outpouring of comments, she has written 18 assurances based on her own experiences with grief. She reminds readers that not all of them will fit all readers' experiences or timelines in their grief journey and I found I related to some assurances more than others (particularly in the first half of the book).

Grief is universal, but it’s also as unique to each of us as the person we’ve lost. It can be overwhelming, exhausting, lonely, unreasonable, there when we least expect it and seemingly never-ending. Wherever you are with your grief and whoever you’re grieving for, I Promise It Won’t Always Hurt Like This is here to support you. To tell you, until you believe it, that things will get easier.”

As I read this book, I felt the ebb and flow of grief hit me. There were moments where I sat with a massive lump in my throat, others when I shed tears and others where I'd smile at the fond memories of Kym that would pop up - living together in college, the shenanigans we'd get into with friends and her amazing family who our gaggle of girls got to know and love.

This is an emotional and no doubt, cathartic endeavour for the author and by sharing her own journey, she hopes it can help readers who are experiencing the loss of a loved one. Thank you, Clare, for this candid and emotional book that is told with compassion, candidness and grace. Heartbreaking but hopeful, I highly recommend this book if you've suffered a loss and strongly believe it would also benefit people who want to know how they can support a loved one who is experiencing grief. 

Disclaimer: Thank you to the publisher for the advanced copy of this book which was given in exchange for my honest review.

My Rating: 5 stars

Author: Clare Mackintosh

Genre: Nonfiction, Grief

Type and Source: ebook from publisher via NetGalley

Publisher: Sourcebooks

First Published: March 1, 2024

Book Description from GoodReads: New York Times and international bestselling mystery author Clare Mackintosh makes her nonfiction debut with this deeply felt memoir of unfathomable loss, and infinite hope.

“Grief has run through my life like thread through fabric; at times gossamer-thin and barely there, other times weaving thick, clumsy darns across the rips. In my grief I am a mother, a child, a sister, a wife, a woman, a friend. I am also a writer.”

When Clare Mackintosh lost her five-week-old son, she soon discovered there are no neat, labeled stages of grief like so many books insist. The shape of each loss is different; when a parent, relative, or friend passes, we grieve the person in all their beauty, their humanity, their imperfections. For Clare, there was no preparing for the anger and excruciating ache of knowing her child’s life would remain unlived. This is the book she needed then.

Inspired by a viral Twitter thread Clare wrote on the anniversary of her son's death, this deeply honest, compassionate memoir will bring solace and encouragement to anyone who finds themselves walking with grief, whether for a season or for several years. It is for those who need a little voice saying: I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This, for the people who love them, and those who understand that great loss can be a window through which we see how powerful, and unending, love can be.