Dirty Laundry: Why Adults with ADHD Are So Ashamed And What We Can Do To Help

I've been doing a deep dive into the world of ADHD -- hyperfocusing, if you will -- 

because understanding ADHD and this neurodivergent brain of mine is equally liberating and anxiety-reducing as I recognize traits and behaviours that have always been part of my life.

Dirty Laundry is the second book I listened to within a few days about living with ADHD. When I started listening to this book I immediately recognized the authors' voices because I've seen their many TikToks about Rox, who has ADHD and her neurotypical husband, Rich who supports her.

Unfortunately, this book didn't hit its mark with this reader.

Codependent and Condescending - I'm lucky to have a supportive and patient partner, but I'm on the fence about whether Rox and Rich's connection is supportive or Rich being a patronizing caregiver. I'm happy that Rox and Rich have found something that works for them but their relationship comes off as extremely codependent with Rox heavily relying on Rich in her day-to-day life. One could say he was doting, but it felt more condescending like he wanted to 'train' his wife into better behaviour, even teaching her basic life skills (making a bed, clean a mirror, load a dishwasher) - which makes me question whether there's more than ADHD going on.

Frenetic Feel - There's a frenetic feel to this book. It felt like a pile of anecdotes sloppily piled together with no science behind it, just a mishmash of Rox's experiences. Some of her experiences I could relate with (hyperfixation, time blindness - although I question if that's the right term for what they described), but Rox's symptoms are at one end of the ADHD scale and I'm on the other so I had a hard time relating.

I appreciate Rox and Rich sharing their experiences in this book and in their Tiktoks but I had trouble relating my own personal experiences with Rox's. I came away from this book not learning anything new about living with ADHD except to find a neurotypical person to help me instead of getting some tips on how to handle my ADHD myself.

 

My Rating: 2.5 stars

Authors: Richard Pink and Roxanne Emery

Genre: Self-Help, Nonfiction

Type and Source: eAudiobook from public library

Narrators: Richard Pink and Roxanne Emery

Run Time: 4 hours, 2 minutes

Publisher: Penguin Audido

First Published: January 1, 2023

Read: October 27 - 28, 2024

Book Description from GoodReads: If you have ADHD - or love somebody who does - DIRTY LAUNDRY will change your life, and your relationships.

Do you feel crippling shame because you struggle with cleaning, personal hygiene, or time-keeping? Do you always feel misunderstood by the people close to you and find that they get frustrated by your behaviour?

DIRTY LAUNDRY is an unfiltered look into the chaos of real life with ADHD. It will transform your self-hatred into self-acceptance, with simple tips that actually work for your brain. It will also help to educate partners, parents and friends, to help them move from frustration to patience, understanding - and love.

Learn how to:
- Stop believing you are fundamentally broken
- Stop judging yourself by the standards of a neurotypical world
- Communicate your struggles to those who love you
- Support someone with ADHD in ways that work for them
- Be compassionate rather than judgemental
- ... and much more.

From the husband-and-wife team behind social media phenomenon @ADHD_Love, whose viral videos have been viewed more than 200 million times, comes a fearless, often outrageously funny, account of life, learning, and growing with ADHD. They share the strategies they have used to reduce shame, improve communication, and find happiness in their neurodivergent household.

Filled with heartbreak and humour in equal measure, DIRTY LAUNDRY is an invaluable resource both for neurodivergents and the people who love them.